The laser show planned to mark the completion of The
Shard tonight is nothing but a smokescreen.
Buried underground for millions of years, The Shard is, in fact, an alien artefact designed by evil extra-terrestrial insurgents to annihilate mankind.
However, it's not too late to mount a massive international pre-emptive strike.
I shall be watching via wifi from the safety of an undisclosed deep-level tube platform.
Tonight is our Independence Day.
Good Luck everyone!
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