I'm sure I'm not the only person waiting with baited breath for the announcement of the Liberal Democrat leadership contest expected at 3pm today.

I'm especially excited as it will finally enable me to update my innovative, albeit partially flawed, solution to the problem of declining rates of participation in voting amongst young people, Political Top Trumps:



I'm still a bit upset about Mark Oaten's unexpected departure from the leadership race.



He used to go to the same secondary school as me, although he rarely makes direct reference to it, claiming on his website to having merely 'attended the main local Comprehensive School' in Watford.

The name of my former educational institution?

Queens' School

Insert your own gag here.

Anyway, my little brother met him once, and at no point did Mark Oaten ask him to defecate on his face.

So he's obviously got his coprophilia habit under control. What's so bad about a little bit of scatplay anyway?

Bumming was a taboo ten years ago, and now everybody's at it.

Even the straights.

I hope Mark Oaten decides to return to frontline politics soon.

As such, I've written him a Press Statement, y'know, to placate the tabloids:


"I was very interested in trying to experience first hand the daily prejudice still faced by Britons from Afro-Carribean backgrounds, so in order to fully understand the ugliness of racism I decided to 'black-up'.

Unfortunately, I was all out of make-up so I asked a Polish ballet dancer to shit on my face."


I think it's a winner, no?


Alright, I'm just trying to provoke somebody to leave a comment below: