The Mancunian Candidate




















Panic erupts in Manchester as news spreads that Primark cannot be opened due to a 'fault'.


































Stunned Sunday shoppers stand frozen in confusion. One subversive Mancunian suddenly exclaims "Shall we goto Miss Selfridge instead?", but her anti-Primark ramblings are quickly quelled by an angry mob.


























Mourners flock to Piccadilly Gardens to silently pay their respects to the paralysed store. In an unprecedented outpouring of grief, an impromtu memorial of extremely cheap handbags is beginning to form near the east entrance.

Authorities later trace the source of the fault to a defective bollard near the Arndale Centre:

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